One Anothering: Forgive One Another
One Anothering: Forgive One Another by Rev. L. John Gable
November 15, 2020
We have been looking together at various “one anothering” passages and I believe have generally found them to be beneficial and good guidance. Today, however, we look at Paul’s admonition in Ephesians, for us to “forgive one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you” and suddenly it feels as though we’ve gone from “preachin’ to meddlin’” As C.S. Lewis writes, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they actually have something to forgive.” We have to confess that we like the idea of forgiveness for ourselves, but then are challenged by it when it comes to others. Without question, forgiveness is a central concept of our faith. It is imperative, not optional, in our relationship with God. The whole ministry of Jesus, culminating in His death and resurrection, addresses the need for our reconciliation and restoration with God, namely the forgiveness of our sins. So, as our Lord taught us we are guided to pray, “Forgive us our debts/our sins as we forgive our debtors/those who sin against us” as part of the coming of the Kingdom of God, “on earth as it is in heaven.” Forgiveness is central to our understanding of the Christian faith, yet as Martin Luther noted, “Forgiveness of sins ought to make thee rejoice; this is the very heart of Christianity, and yet it is a mighty dangerous thing to preach.”
I will confess that I too have found forgiveness perhaps not so much a dangerous thing, but certainly a difficult thing, to preach on because there are so many aspects to it. It is one of those parts of our faith that is easier to talk about and agree with than it is to actually put in to practice.
So as I was reflecting on our Scripture lessons for this morning I found myself staring at my hands, with particular attention to a scar I have on the pad of my left hand, recalling how it came to be, and I began to make a connection between that scar and the concept of forgiveness.
As I tell you the story behind it I will ask your forbearance because at some point I am sure that this analogy, like any human analogy trying to shed light on divine truths, is going to break down, but hopefully it will be helpful in some way.
It was in the late summer/early fall of 1977 and I was beginning my senior year at Hanover College. I went in to the chapel to help set up for a meeting of our Christian fellowship and was the first to arrive. The room was hot and stuffy, so I began opening windows and came to one that was stuck, apparently having been painted shut during the summer. As I have done numerous times before I began pushing and punching the window frame to see if I could force it open when suddenly I realized I broke one of the panes of glass, and then the pain set in. The pad on my left hand had actually punched a hole in the window and I was bleeding badly. I knew enough to wrap it tightly and it wasn’t long before a friend arrived who took me to the hospital. The doctor there assured me that I hadn’t done any permanent damage, no cut tendons or severed arteries, but I was close, then proceeded to put in 26 stitches. In time the wound healed and now, 43 years later, I still have that horseshoe shaped scar as a reminder of that encounter with a pane of glass in the chapel of Hanover College.
So what, you may be wondering, does that have to do with forgiveness. As I reflect with you on that story, I would like for you to think of a relationship, a real life experience, with a real person or situation, not an inanimate object, in which this admonition to “forgive one another” had to be called in to play. Call to mind a circumstance, a sin, an error, an infraction or transgression, a debt or betrayal that called for forgiveness, whether recent or in the distant past. With that clearly in mind, let me return to my unfortunate encounter with that window.
The “one anothering” aspect of this admonition implies that there is “another” involved in our need for forgiveness. If we each lived in total isolation there would be no need to “forgive one another” because there would be no “other” to forgive, perhaps only our own need to forgive ourselves, which I had to do in this instance since I was clearly frustrated with myself for doing such a foolish thing, but that is a topic for another day. We however do not live in isolation, but in community, in relationship with one another, so forgiveness is essential, because invariably we are going to “trespass against one another” and when that happens we experience brokenness in our relationships. Both the window and I experienced brokennness in our unfortunate encounter, and admittedly in this case it was more my fault than its.
Once that brokenness was acknowledged however we had to do something about it; we were both in need of repair; a new pane of glass and 26 stitches. There is an old saying, “Time heals all wounds”, but that is not necessarily true. The glass needed someone on the maintenance staff to replace it and I needed a doctor to clean and dress it. In our relationships with one another there are many minor infractions that we are best to simply let go by unnoticed, but when we are seriously injured, or when we seriously injure another, some more drastic intervention is called for. We often like to think that we can let even deep hurts go without any attempts to repair them, “just let by-gones be by-gones”, but to do so doesn’t really repair the wound at all. We may try to mask it or disguise it or push it to some recess of our hearts or minds, but to do so would be like leaving a gaping wound unattended. Healing only comes when the brokenness in our lives and relationships is acknowledged and attended to, and that attention to the need for healing we call forgiveness.
There is another old adage that encourages us just to “forgive and forget”; that too is neither true nor beneficial. To forget is an act of the mind, of the memory; to forgive is an act of the will, something we do intentionally, not absent-mindedly. Forgetting means “I don’t remember”, but forgiving means “I do remember, but I won’t allow it to come between us any longer.” If we simply forget something we will not have forgiven at all. We cannot forgive someone for something we have forgotten about, however, we need forgiveness precisely because we have not forgotten what someone did to us. (Smedes)
The story is told of Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross. One day she was asked by a friend if she remembered an incident when she had been deeply hurt by an insult given years before. Clara said she didn’t remember. The friend reminded her of how someone close to her had very intentionally tried to hurt her by an untruth she had spoken. Recalling the incident, Clara said, “Oh, yes, now I distinctly remember forgetting that.”
Therein lies the power, the hope and the promise, of forgiveness. It is not that we suddenly forget the incident that hurt or harmed us, I recall very vividly my encounter with that window, but the memory of it no longer carries with it the pain that we experienced in it. We know we are well on our way to forgiveness when we can remember the one who offended us, but no longer wish them ill. As Lewis Smedes puts it, “You will know that healing has begun when you can recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”
Now that kind of healing takes time, so in that sense “time does heal all wounds”, but it also take a lot of hard, intentional work. We are naïve to think that forgiveness is simply a “one and done” kind of transaction; “I said I forgive you, not let’s just get over it”; rather it is a “transformational” act of the will, “Today I will forgive and I will again tomorrow and the next day and the next” until one day I will no longer feel the pain of the incident or hold any hatred or ill will or resentment or desire for revenge against the offender. Curiously, it was a year after my knock-out punch with the window that my scar, well healed by that time, began to itch and was painful in one particular place. As I scratched it a little sliver of glass made its way out through the scar. Sometimes healing takes a long time.
All of which brings me to my final observation about forgiveness, which is really where my reflections began, with the scar on my hand. Once we have forgiven we get a new freedom to forget. This time however our forgetting is a sign of health (Smedes). I will always carry with me however the mark of my encounter with that window. I still see it and can touch it, but it no longer causes me any pain or discomfort. That is the sign of healing, in a wound and in a relationship, as we experience the power of forgiveness while still remembering the event which caused the scar.
We read in the book of Jeremiah the Lord saying, “I will forgive their iniquity and remember their sin no more” (31:34). God certainly does not have dementia or amnesia, rather He has the capacity to forgive and to feel toward us the way He would if He actually had forgotten or if our sin had never happened in the first place.
Just to put a wrap on that story, now every time I am on Hanover’s campus I take a moment to walk in to the chapel, to remember with gratitude the meaningful spiritual experiences and formation that took place for me there, and I always take a look at that window, once broken and now long ago repaired. In other words, we can forgive even if we haven’t forgotten, which is the sign of healing.
This analogy likely breaks down, as does every earthly analogy which attempts to explain heavenly truths, and my guess is you can think of many other ways to apply it, but this call for us to “forgive one another” is in direct response to what God has already done for us in Jesus Christ. Centuries before the coming of Christ Isaiah spoke of the coming Messiah calling Him the “Suffering Servant”. As we read earlier, “He was despised and rejected by others; a man of suffering and acquainted with infirmity; and as one from whom others hide their faces He was despised, and we held Him of no account. Surely He has borne our infirmities and carried our diseases; yet we accounted Him stricken, struck down by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the punishment that made us whole, and by His bruises we are healed.” And how do we know that this healing through forgiveness really works? Because Jesus carries the scars to prove it; scars which are reminders of the pain and suffering He endured on our behalf, as well as the promise and power to heal and restore.
Is there a broken piece in your life that still needs to be repaired? Do you still have an open wound of hurt over some offence or breach of trust? Is there someone you need to forgive, perhaps even you yourself, or something you need to do to set yourself free from the unhealthy, unbearable burden of regret or resentment? If so, hear this admonition as though it was spoken to you and you alone, “forgive one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you” and let the healing process begin. Amen.