Be Kind to One Another
Be Kind to One Another by Rev. L. John Gable
November 8, 2020
There are aspects of our faith that are simply profound: the nature of God, the incarnation of Jesus Christ – fully human and fully divine, the indwelling and empowering of the Holy Spirit. Want to derail a Bible study? Ask the leader to explain the doctrine of predestination or the relationship of the Trinity.
Some aspects of our faith are simply profound, and then there are others that are profoundly simple, such as the two “one anothering” passages we look at this morning: “be kind to one another and do not grumble against one another”, both short and sweet enough to be put on a pencil, or a bumper sticker, or a yard sign, or a post-it note stuck on your bathroom mirror. Profoundly simple admonitions, simple enough to teach even our youngest children, then why so difficult to put in to practice? Why important enough that they made it in to Scripture?
Each of the “one anothering” passages we have looked at in recent weeks could stand alone, but we have also seen that they all seem to be inter-related. They remind us that each of us has an individual experience and expression of faith, a different and unique way of approaching life and looking at the world, but at the same time they remind us that we are also part of a community, a family, a company of faith…together. If Christianity was an individual exercise of faith, just me and Jesus, we wouldn’t have to be concerned about “one anothering” at all, but only about ourselves, me/myself/and I, but it’s not. By God’s good design, we are all in this together. Remember, “You belong to Christ. I belong to Christ. We belong together.” (E. Stanley Jones)
So “be kind to one another” and “do not grumble against one another” are reminders to us that it is not simply me, or we ourselves, we are called to care for and be concerned about, but one another, as well. These two profoundly simple admonitions force us out of our self-centered, self-absorbed way of doing life and looking at the world and ask us to be concerned, or at least inquisitive, about how others are experiencing it, not just those who look and act and think and believe like we do, but particularly those who do not; those who have an experience of life that is different than our own, and that is the part that is not always easy for us to do.
Thoreau names our human condition well when he writes, “I should not talk so much about myself if there was anyone else whom I knew so well. Unfortunately, I am confined to this theme by the narrowness of my own experience.” And there in is the rub of these two admonitions to be kind to one another and to not grumble against one another: I know how I feel, what I think, how I interpret life. I know what I am going through, but these force me to ask, “How are you feeling? What are you going through?” They force me to consider that it’s not all about me, at least not if I am going to try to live my life with a Christian world-view, with the eyes and heart and mind of Christ.
Steven Covey, in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, describes an experience he had on a subway one Sunday morning in New York City. He writes, “People were sitting quietly, some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.
“The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing, and yet the man sitting next to me did nothing. It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So, finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you wouldn’t control them a little more.”
Let me pause the story there. We get his/their frustration and irritation, don’t we? Their peaceful morning ride was being interrupted by a bunch of unruly kids and an irresponsible parent. It is easy to see how, if we were on that train, we too might start commenting, staring, wagging our heads or our tongues, complaining and grumbling, even criticizing them for what they are doing to us, how they are inconveniencing us, irritating and annoying us. We get that because that is how we are experiencing the situation, how it is affecting us; but in that moment, whether in a subway car, or a grocery line with people trying to cut in or fumbling for their coupons, or at a stoplight with horns randomly honking at who knows what, do we ever stop to wonder what’s going on with them? What they may be going through that would cause them to act the way they are? Likely not, unless we intentionally choose to ask a different set of questions.
I have a friend who has developed an interest and expertise in the area of ACES: Adverse Childhood Experiences Syndrome –divorce, death of a parent, drug or alcohol abuse, violence in the home. She has helped me, in those situations where I feel irritated or inconvenienced or the need to grumble and complain about another’s behavior, to no longer ask, “What’s wrong with you?”, but rather “What has happened to you? What are you going through?” Do you hear how that reframing of the question changes the way we look at the irritating, grumbling-producing, circumstance we find ourselves in and the person causing it?
These past couple of months, well nearly all of 2020, have been the perfect proving ground to put this change of perspective in to practice. I don’t know about you, but I have found folks to be a little more snarky, a little more curt or short or irritable with one another than normal, perhaps I myself as well. In those moments when we feel justified in our complaints and irritation, imagine how things might look or play out differently if, instead of asking, “What’s wrong with you?” we were to ask instead, “What has happened to you? What are you going through?” In that moment might we hear about their genuine struggle with disease or distress or discouragement or fatigue, concerns about their job situation or their health or that of a loved one, about their angst over a social and racial issue or their anxiety or elation over the outcome of an election? We know how we are thinking and feeling about all of those things, so we feel ourselves justified to complain or grumble or criticize, to be a little ruder, a little less kind, a little more blunt because we feel like it and think we deserve to speak/act/think that way, but perhaps if we had some inkling of what they were going through and how they were feeling, our eyes would be opened, our hearts softened, and our response to them a little more kind and gentle. There is truth to the saying, “Be gentle with one another for everyone you meet has a cross to bear.”
Let me return to the Covey story. The kids are running wild, disrupting and irritating everyone on the subway car while the father sits quietly with his eyes closed. Finally Covey turns to the man and says, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you wouldn’t control them a little more.”
He continues, “The man lifted his gaze as if to come to consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.” Covey writes, “Suddenly I saw things differently and because I saw differently, I behaved differently. Everything changed in an instant.”
How do we get to that change of perspective and understanding? It may just start with our putting in to practice these two profoundly simple admonitions: be kind to one another and do not grumble against one another. Just imagine how your attitude, your demeanor, your perspective on life, the way you see and relate to others would change, how much easier you might be to live with, if you (I) put those two profoundly simple truths in to practice.
“The world is full of people who claim the right to be extremely vocal in criticism and totally exempt from action” – William Barclay
“Life is not so short but there is always room for courtesy.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Speak kind words and you will hear kind echoes.”
“Kindness is the only language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.”
“Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone; but there’s a half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.” – James W. Foley
The Rabbis laid it down that there were six great works which brought a person credit in this world and profit in the world to come: study, visiting the sick, hospitality, devotion in prayer, education of the children in the Law and thinking the best of other people. Kindness in judgment of others is nothing less than a sacred duty. (Barclay)
Try it. Take notice of the difference which can be made, even among the most curmudgeonly among us, by a smile, a wave, a “please”, a “thank you”, a touch, a hug, a note, a card, a pat on the back, a pleasant tone of voice, by a “Have a nice day” or a “Can I help you with that?” or an “I’m praying for you”.
“Be kind to one another and do not grumble against one another”, profoundly simple admonitions, then why are they so difficult to manage? Because they address the fundamental human condition, our “original sin”, our inability NOT to think of ourselves as being the center of our own little universes, much less the focal point of our utmost concern and attention. Self-centeredness and self-absorption, our inability to see things from another’s perspective or point of view, our inability or unwillingness to stop and ask, not “What’s wrong with you?” but “What are you going through?” is the fundamental flaw of the human condition, but the Good News is, it is addressable, it is fixable; it can be and it has been.
Friends, these are not merely simple, practical, little social niceties we are taught in childhood, these are in fact spiritual truths which God has taught us and shown us in Jesus Christ. This is how God responds to us, so as “imitators of God, as beloved children,” this is how we are called to respond to one another. So “be kind to one another and do not grumble against one another.” Profoundly simple, simply profound.