Summer In The Psalms: Create In Me A Clean Heart
Summer In The Psalms: Create In Me A Clean Heart by Rev. L. John Gable
August 8, 2021
I remember so clearly when I wrote those words and why I wrote them. If only you knew what I had done and was going through, but no one knew, or so I thought.
Everywhere I go, people know me. Men admire me and women are enamored with me. Parents hush their children when I come near saying, “That is King David, the great king of Israel. He is our strong leader and is mighty in battle. He was born to be a shepherd, but God raised him up to be our king. He writes beautiful music and poetry. He is a man after God’s own heart!” If only they knew. Of course that is my heart’s desire, but my actions too often betray me.
Just recently a woman came up to me and told me how much she loved one of the songs I had written for worship. I asked her which one of the many songs I’ve written she was referring to and she told me, the one which begins “Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out all my transgressions”; the one with the refrain, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” I smiled at her and thought to myself, “If only she knew”. If only she knew the brokenness of my heart as I wrote that song and the depth of the sin I was confessing. My heart was anything but clean and I was praying that God, in His mercy, would forgive me. If only she knew.
It was in the spring of that year, the time of year when kings go out to battle, but I chose to stay home in Jerusalem. It happened late one afternoon. I was on my portico, looking out over the city, the city they call the City of David. The house that I have built for myself is at the highest point in the city, so I am able to look out over all that lies beneath me, all that I consider to be mine.
That’s when I saw her, bathing in the pool outside of her home. She was beautiful and I wanted her, so I had my servants call for her and bring her to me. Her name was Bathsheba and she was beautiful indeed, but she was also married, as was I, to a man named Uriah, a Hittite, who was out serving in my army, as I should have been, under my command, defending my country. I knew that I was doing was wrong. I knew it all along, but I had deceived myself in to thinking since I am king I can do whatever I want and have whatever I please, even if it belongs to someone else, and I wanted Bathsheba, so I enticed her to stay with me and soon she was with my child.
It should have ended there. I knew that my sin was great and it wreaked havoc on every aspect of my life, including my relationship with God, but the sin I was about to commit was greater still. Rather than confessing my sin and seeking God’s forgiveness I tried to hide it by calling her husband back from his service to be with her, but he was a man of honor and refused to be with her while his company was in the field. Even more desperate to cover my sin, I did the unimaginable, I instructed his commander to send Uriah to the front line in the heat of battle, then to order everyone else to withdraw but him. And he did and my sin was complete. Not only had I taken this man’s wife, I had now taken his life, and I felt justified in doing so. I was the king! I was getting what I wanted! I was doing as I pleased! Did I have regrets? Some, but they soon passed, and after her prescribed period of mourning I took her as my wife. My sin was hidden, a thing of the past, or so I thought.
The prophet Nathan requested an audience with me which I was glad to grant. I have known Nathan for many years as a trusted advisor and friend. He was a man of God and we were the people of God, surely he was bringing me good new of God’s blessings.
Instead he told me a story about two men, one rich, the other poor. The rich man had many fields and flocks, but the poor man had only one ewe lamb which he loved very much. He said he even raised it as one of his own children; that’s how much he loved this lamb. The rich man was having a guest to dinner and rather than taking a lamb from his own flock, instead he took this poor man only lamb. When I heard Nathan’s story I flew in to a rage and insisted that that man be punished, that he deserved to die! Then the prophet looked me squarely in the eye and said, “You are that man!” And my heart was seared. I had been found out. I was not a man of clean hands and a pure heart, as I was assumed to be by others, as I insisted others to be if they dared enter the presence of God; instead I was a man of unclean hands and an impure heart, guilty and convicted of my sin.
So what was I to do? The prophet Nathan instructed that I must confess my sin and plead for God’s forgiveness which is exactly what I did in the way I knew best. It is for that reason that I wrote this song, this prayer of confession, which the woman told me she thought was so beautiful. Beautiful? No, if only she knew. This was my heartfelt prayer of confession and my honest plea for God’s forgiveness.
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love;
According to Your mercy blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my inquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me.”
But I didn’t want just to be forgiven of this sin, but of all of my sins. I wanted to be restored back into a right relationship with God, a relationship which I had broken and damaged. So I prayed,
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain in me a willing spirit.”
While my heart was not pure, my prayer was honest. I prayed that God would forgive me and restore in me the joy of my salvation and He has, so I give Him endless thanks and praise. And now I pray that He will use me, even me, and my sin and my confession to lead others to Him that they too might know His love and forgiveness. I will gladly tell what God has done in my life and can do in theirs as well.
I have learned many lessons through this experience of confession and repentance and forgiveness:
- I have learned that no matter who we are or how self-important we think we are, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
- I have learned that it is very easy to excuse our own sinful behavior, even while we condemn the same behavior in others.
- I have learned that there is no such thing as private sin; all sin regardless of how hidden we think it may be, results in a broken relationship with God.
- I have learned that confession of our sin should come quickly and honestly, lest we compound it by trying to cover it up.
- I have learned that we each need a Prophet Nathan in our lives who, when necessary, will speak truth to us, out of love, for us and for God.
- I have learned that no matter who we are or where we have been or what we have done, God is able and willing to forgive, if only we will ask.
These are not my words. I did not say them in my prayer, but one long after me spoke these words of truth:
“If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us; but if we confess our sins, God who is faithful and just will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:8-9
Am I a man after God’s own heart? I pray that I am.
Am I pure and blameless? No, if only you knew, but I am forgiven and that you should know.
Thanks be to God.
This is a reflection on Psalm 51 with the background story from II Samuel 11-12.
Rev. L. John Gable
Tabernacle Presbyterian Church
Indianapolis, IN.