Living Radical Love: In Reconciliation
Living Radical Love: In Reconciliation by Rev. Terri Thorn
September 10, 2023
Matthew 18:15-20; Romans 13:8-10
According to numerous surveys and polls, the undeniable trend for Christianity in North America, at least in an organized, “attend worship and do life together as congregation” form of Christianity, has been one of decline. The reasons and implications, however, are up for robust debate.
Fortunately, it’s not my intention to try address any of them today, other than to say this: somewhere, fairly high-ranking, on the list of reasons people fall out of Christian fellowship is disagreement and church conflict. We still haven’t learned to do it well.
We still handle disagreement and conflict like the rest of the world: from the restlessness of our own ego rather than from the graciousness of God’s love. We allow pride, fear, or even shame, to drive our need to be right over another…rather than leaning into the desire to be in a right relationship with them.
As a society, we have lost our ability to engage in civil discourse. There is no distinction between “being wronged” and “does not agree with me”. We assume the worst intentions rather than the best. The prevailing reaction to an offense is with defensiveness and a desire to get-even – rather than, with understanding and hope for reconciliation.
Church…this is the brokenness in which we live and to which we are called to offer the good news of God’s reconciling love and saving grace. It is also the world that shapes how we handle conflict in our own lives and, therefore, how it manifests in the church. The way individual Christians respond to conflict has the potential to do great harm to the entire Body of Christ. In part, because at the end of the day, the most human way to respond to an offense is to garner power to squelch the offender…and the church is comprised of humans.
Now let me just say, especially for those who may be visiting or wondering: “Is she preaching on this text because there is some sort of conflict at Tab that I don’t know about?” The short answer is, “No.” I typically follow the revised common lectionary when I preach, and this is the assigned gospel reading for the week. However, you do know what they say about churches and conflict? “We are either in conflict, just ending a conflict, or a conflict is brewing just around the corner.”
The truth is we can never hear this instruction from Jesus too often. Although, not just as a paradigm on how to manage conflict, but as a way of living the Christian life.
In fact, I don’t believe that Jesus ever intended this to merely be a conflict management strategy. It’s not just another lesson in how to get along under duress or how to get someone to see it our way. Instead, it is an illustration of what it means for Jesus followers to be in relationship with one another…all the time. It demonstrates what it means to love others in the way that Christ has loved us.
Friends, if we receive these words as a formula for anything, let it be the way Christians are called to live out God’s radical love in Christ’s name. Like the parable told just before this, in which Jesus says the good shepherd recklessly leaves the 99 sheep to seek out the lost one, this is another of Jesus’ sermon illustrations revealing the relentless reconciling love of God that we receive through Christ, AND a model for how we are to live that love toward others in return.
You may recall that last Sunday, we wrapped up our series, “What Next” in which we considered Biblical examples of how to move forward following Pastor Gable’s retirement. The final message in that series encouraged us to keep picking up our cross and following Jesus – to live and love as he taught.
Today we begin a three-part series examining what it actually looks like to do this…to live the radical love of God by seeking reconciliation, by offering forgiveness and by showing mercy.
This week’s lesson, living love in reconciliation, is a hard one…but quite frankly, they are all going to be challenging. Discipleship is challenging. Kingdom living is challenging. STILL…FRIENDS, this is the life to which we are called and for which we are saved. It is what sets us apart from the world in which we live. We don’t live the Kingdom life perfectly, but our greatest aim, which pleases God, is to pursue it relentlessly. It is the way we reveal Christ to the world.
So, let’s take a closer look at what Jesus is saying to his followers about how to approach the work of reconciliation among us. This is not just about preserving unity at all costs, which risks that a voice – the victim’s or the offender’s – would be silenced. It is instruction on how, when we have been wronged, to reconcile with one another in a manner such that both voices are heard, mercy and forbearance are extended, and grace is lived out.
It is also a communal lesson, to the faith community, about how to address an offense within the community. In theory, this strategy might work for general disputes, conflicts, or political differences but that’s not what Jesus has in mind here. It’s not even really about resolving a personal dispute…it’s about the importance of addressing offenses in a way that protects the well-being of the whole body – not any one individual. Jesus’ approach does not allow for things to go unaddressed and fester into a division that will eventually harm the Christian community. And folks, reality is, that which is not addressed will, inevitably, simmer until it boils over.
Jesus understands this dynamic of avoidance, as well as the equally unhealthy “tell everyone your version and round up your wagons of supporters against the other,” approach, and the quite untenable, “I’m just going to forgive and let it go, but my passive-aggressive behavior indicates otherwise” version.
Y’all know I’m not wrong! This is what we humans do.
You also know that none of these responses look anything like God’s tenacious love. God’s love for us is persistent. It is always pursuing us. It goes to all and every measure, including the humbleness of entering the world as a baby and the humility of dying on a cross, in order to restore us to communion with God. With this self-sacrificing spirit, and a deep desire for reconciliation and our inclusion in God’s kingdom, Christ has loved through the ages. As the Body of Christ, we can do no less for each other.
We, too, for as much as we are able, are called to go to every length and take every measure to regain the one who has caused the harm…the one that, according to the NRSV translation has sinned against us…although other translations vary in that phrasing. The important thing is that the “one” is another Christ follower, another brother or sister in the family of God. And the sin, or offense, while not specifically defined, is not a difference of opinion, but may be understood as “any self-serving behavior that breaks the unity of the fellowship in Christ.” (per Charles Hambrick-Stowe)
We go, willing to exhaust ourselves for the sake of the community. Jesus says, we go first and alone. We go with humility. We go with direct and healthy communication. We go focused on redeeming the offender, not to avenge the offended. We go with the single goal of reconciliation that leads to restoration.
We go to the person directly, until we are reconciled, or the conversation is no longer productive. In which case, we bring the matter to two or three witnesses, who are wise and discerning Christ-followers. They, too, come in a spirit of humility and with a desire for a healing that covers the entire Body…not as those called to support our view, or to protect “the church’s interest” per se, but as those who are tasked with restoring the Body of Christ to wholeness and our God-given holiness.
Together, we go, in prayer, with humility and with the Holy Spirit’s leading, seeking to offer the offender an overwhelming experience of grace, and a love so great that they will remember that they, too, are a necessary sheep in the fold…that they are a particular, important, uniquely purposed member of the Body of Christ. We lovingly and intentionally speak truth, and accountability, not in our own power and wisdom, but in that of Christ.
On occasion, hopefully quite rarely, there may come a time when the matter must be brought to the church. The intent, the approach, the desire for reconciliation, the focus on regaining the sister or brother into the fold never changes. And it never ends.
The matter at hand may need to be dropped. But not the person. Never the person.
The offender may be too divisive to remain in fellowship, or too dangerous for the well-being of the faith community, but they are never a lost cause to Christ, nor to the church.
Like the father waiting for his prodigal son. Like Jesus eating and drinking with tax collectors, conversing with foreigners, and welcoming Gentiles, the hope for reconciliation never dies. The love never ends, and the door never shuts.
Let me say that again: The love never ends, and the door never shuts.
Friends, if God never shuts the door on us, how can we justly shut it on others?
I’m reminded of a story about a young man named Lewis* whom I’ve known since he was in elementary school. Lewis and his sibling were raised in a loving two-parent Christian household, with extended family nearby. They are close-knit and have worshipped together for generations. No question, Lewis’ parents and family have always loved him very much and want the best for him.
However, when Lewis was in his early teens, he began to get into trouble. It started with a couple of lies told here and there, missing curfew, and those types of things. His parents tried to get Lewis to end his rebellious behavior, without much luck, and hoped that he would outgrow it. Eventually though, Lewis began hanging with the “wrong” crowd and his parents discovered he had started drinking and using illegal drugs.
It was only a matter of time before things escalated and Lewis was living destructively – toward himself and others. He broke every household rule and became increasingly disrespectful toward his family. His parents were distraught. They loved Lewis so much and just wanted their sweet son back. They tried everything…talking to him, grounding him, positive reinforcement…you name it; they tried it. Nothing changed. If anything, the situation got worse.
Eventually Lewis’ parents called upon their extended family for help. Everyone expressed to Lewis how much they loved him and how much this was hurting the entire family. They just wanted him to stop living this way. No one asked him to repay for the things he had stolen from them or make up the days he had skipped school. They offered a clean slate, if he would just get clean and sober and live within the family rules.
Sadly that was not to be. Over the course of few years, Lewis’ parents sought help from a number of resources: clergy, youth pastors, professional counselors, AA, NA, and other 12-step recovery programs. They spent their life savings on treatment programs and other options to try to help Lewis break free of the addiction that not only held him captive but affected the entire family as well.
When Lewis turned 18, he was no longer allowed to live in his parent’s home. Now, his parents did not stop loving him – quite the opposite is true. They still love him with all their being, but Lewis refused to change his ways. The family could not withstand his destructiveness any longer, and the parents no longer had any “rights” to insist on treatment.
This year Lewis turns 30. I wish I could say that this story has a happy ending and that he is now a restored and well-functioning member of his sweet family. Sadly, that is not the case. He is still an addict and still outside the family. He has sinned against them. He has caused great harm to his entire family and others. Yet…he is not a lost cause.
Every day his parents still pray for him and encourage him as much as they are able from a distance. Every day they wait and watch for their prodigal son to come home.
Reconciliation is what they want more than anything. Lewis’ parents love him with a love so deep it still hurts. They miss him and must lean on God for strength while they wait with hope for his return. They have not given up and I am convinced that Lewis’ parents will go to their grave trying to restore him to their family.
To the world, Lewis’s family may seem foolish in their unfailing love and hope, but imagine the day when someway, somehow, God’s love lived out through their love reaches Lewis and he knows he is loved, forgiven, and restored to their family fold.
Imagine…and remember.
Imagine and remember that from God’s perspective, we are a family. We are children with a heavenly parent. We are brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, to each other. And, to the world, our Christian love and forbearance for each other may seem foolish.
Imagine and remember, too, that we are all a version of Lewis who, in Christ, has found our way home.
Imagine and remember that the church is rooted in God’s radical, reckless, reconciling love, and that God blesses us every time that we, in Christ’s name, attempt to live it out.
Imagine and remember that our only debt is love.
Imagine and remember as I close with a quote from pastor and scholar, Charles Hambrick-Stowe.
“If we the church do not forgive and heal, who on earth is going to do it? If the church – no matter how small, even just two or three believers – will agree in Christ and seek prayerfully to do the will of God, the God will respond. The church will really be the church, because Christ will be present.”
Imagine and remember.
Rev. Terri Thorn
Tabernacle Presbyterian Church
Indianapolis, IN